


exile

by taekookreads9



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Content, Mild Language, POV Uzumaki Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekookreads9/pseuds/taekookreads9
Summary: “I don’t know what to do with it”“With what?”“With all this love, with all this hurt I feel. I don’t know where I’m supposed to put it. Where do I leave it?”
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 10





	exile

_“I don’t know what to say” I keep repeating those words in my head. That was the last thing he told me. I know I shouldn’t have said anything, but the sadness was too much to handle I just exploded.  
_

_I typed a message and sent it to Sasuke:_

“it hurts too much” 

“what hurts?” _He asked._

“you know what.”   
  
_Of course that I was not expecting a proper answer. What was he supposed to say? And I hate when Sasuke says “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”. What exactly are you sorry for? Sorry for what? It’s your decision, you’re not sorry. And I don’t think I have anything to forgive. It makes me so fucking mad sometimes.  
  
_

_“I don’t know what to say.”  
  
_

_Yeah, I don’t know what to say either. What was I expecting? Him suddenly telling me that he loved me back? Sasuke once did. I think. We were together for a while. I kept loving him, though. That’s the problem. Sasuke moved on, and I didn’t.  
  
I was so fucking frustrated with myself but also with him for not understanding what I wanted when I sent him that text. But what did I want? I guess I wanted some comfort. He could have said that everything was going to be okay, at least eventually. Sasuke typed back seconds later,_

”That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.” _  
_

_I wasn’t going to answer but I felt anger after reading that. So what, Sasuke was going to hide the fact that he’s getting married and moving to another city?  
  
_

_“_ I was going to find out later... _” I typed angrily.  
_

 _”_ I didn’t want to say anything to anyone. Only my family knows. _”  
_

_The fact that not only Sasuke is getting married but he wants to be his secretive usual self is something I can’t comprehend. So, is he really happy though? Why don’t you want people to know you’re getting married? Is it not supposed to be the happiest day of your life?  
_

_I was about to fucking insult him for wanting to keep that secret from me but he wrote first,_

”did you tell someone?”

”No. Who am I supposed to talk to?” 

_It was true but not entirely. I did tell someone, my cousin, Konohamaru. We are roomies so we see each other everyday; he has seen all my bad and good days. Of course I told him when Sasuke gave me the news. But it doesn’t matter because Sasuke doesn’t even know Konohamaru and neither does he know Sasuke. Besides, Konohamaru won’t tell anyone. There’s no one to tell. We live in another city from him.  
_

_”_ I only told Konohamaru, my cousin. I have a right to talk about it with someone. I need to. He sees me everyday. _” I defended myself.  
_

 _“_ I was just curious. Of course I don’t mind if you tell him. I just don’t like gossips... from people I know _.”  
_

_Again, I questioned his relationship. Was he really happy doing it? But it’s not my problem anyway. It’s his life, his decisions. Why should I care?  
_

_I do, though. It eats me alive. To imagine, to know, to comprehend, to fully understand that he doesn’t love me, but love her. It hurts too much. To live everyday realizing he’s planning the rest of his life with someone else, not me. Not me. Although, I wasn’t really envying his partner. I wouldn’t want that my fiancé was asking not to tell everyone about us getting married._

_You’re so great, Naruto. What a fucking moron do I have to be to had fallen in love with an emotional unavailable jerk?_

_I start to reminisce of the times we were together. How blissful I felt. I was really in love, you know? Like an idiot. Everything about Sasuke was perfect to me. His lips, his eyes, his body. When he kissed me, held me, touched me. Sex was great. I remember the last time we fucked, I told him I didn’t want to be with anyone else but him for the rest of my life. I probably sounded so pathetic, but it was true. I wanted to be fucked forever by Sasuke. I wanted to cum only with him. I can still feel the way he grabbed my legs and spread them apart, the way he pressed his dick into me, both panting and moaning. The way he sounded calling my name,_

“fuck. Fuck. Naruto. You feel so good. You feel so fucking good.”

_I hadn’t had sex for months now. The last time was with him, even though I know I wasn’t his last.  
_

_The truth is, I always knew what was I getting myself into. Sasuke had a girlfriend who lived in another city, I was the other one. The secret. I was okay with it. I didn’t mind, until one day it did start to. I started to care. That was two and a half years ago. All my friends knew we were going out, fucking, even some of them thought we were really a couple. We looked like one. We were always together: hanging out together, going to the movies, even going to the parties together.  
_

_It’s true what they say though. If he promises he’s going to leave her for you, he will never do it. And that’s what happened. I waited, I was patient and the day never came. I decided to move to another city because I needed to get away from him or I would never really truly move on. Joke’s on me now because I have been away from him for seven months and I still haven’t moved on. What a fucking loser I am.  
_

_I don’t talk anymore about Sasuke with any of my friends. Obviously, all of my friends ended up hating him. He had it coming to be honest. I cried too much, I suffered endlessly –I still do– and it comes a time when your friends don’t want to see you suffering anymore for that person. Sakura, Shikamaru, Kiba, Lee, even Kakashi, everyone told me I needed to stop talking to Sasuke.  
_

_”_ Naruto, how much are you going to take? How much are you letting him to hurt you? Just how much? Why?” _When Kakashi told me that I started crying and sobbing. I knew he was right. Moving on from a relationship like that was traumatizing. But I haven’t moved on yet. Right?_

_And then, the inevitable came. One month ago, Sasuke told me he was getting married to his longtime girlfriend. He had been acting like a freak and I knew something was up. We texted every other day and I know that man, I know when he’s keeping something away from me. He told me after I confronted him on the phone. He cried because he felt guilty, bad for hurting me. I wished him the best. I want him to be genuinely happy, even if it’s not with me. That’s the real sad part: I had to bit my tongue and pretend._

_“_ I’m happy for you. I wish you the best.” _  
_

”I’ll always love you, Naruto. You’re my best friend.”

_as stupid as it sounds, that gave me a little bit of comfort, because Sasuke is, or was, my best friend too. That’s why is so hard to stop talking to him. I feel lonely and I can’t talk to anyone the way I talk to him. This thing I have with him, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to disappear. It doesn’t feel like it’s going away. Every time i think about it I realize how depressing is my life. If he’s happy, how come I can’t be happy?_

“You’ll find someone too, Naruto. You’re going to be happy, too, Naruto. Give it time. You won’t feel like this forever.” _My friends always tell me those words. I’m still looking forward for that day to come.  
_

 _”_ you shouldn’t feel guilty or bad about me, _” I texted back to Sasuke.  
_

“but it hurts me you’re feeling sad and I can’t pretend I don’t know about it. I wish I could make you feel better.” 

_I know he does feel bad, but I have my own pain to think about._

_I lay on my bed and touch my knees, hiding my face. I start to feel the ache and the pressure pounding on my chest. I start silently crying. Soundless tears. I think of him. I love you, Sasuke. I love you so much. I hate how much I love you._

_Sasuke is getting married soon, I don’t know when exactly. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real. I’m scared of the day it will be. I try not to cry, even though I think I’m all run out of tears. I know the day will come when he does marry. It’s scary. I don’t know how I will feel. Maybe I shouldn’t think about it right now._

_I don’t remember when exactly, but one day I was sitting in the kitchen table, stirring my cup of tea. Konohamaru was in front of me pretending to read a book. He was worried about me, I had been crying and he could tell. I let it go and started talking,_ _  
_

”I don’t know what to do with it” _I said simply, holding back the tears but with a knot on my throat. I was looking out the window, trying to avoid Konohamaru’s gaze because that would make me break.  
_

“With what?” _I could feel his empathy floating through the air. That’s why I always liked talking to my cousin. He never got mad when I talked about Sasuke, my cousin listened and tried to understand and help in the way he only thought he could. It was enough for me._

“With all this love, with all this hurt I feel. Where am I supposed to put it? Where do I leave it?” _My eyes and nose were already a mess but I was holding in.  
_

_It wasn’t a fair question to ask my cousin. I guess I keep needing a comfort, like a voice telling me everything will pass, that everything is going to be alright one day._   
  


_I hope it does.  
._

_._

_._

**TO BE CONTINUED....**

**Author's Note:**

> Just a drabble I had been saving for a long time. There’s not much background or explanation to the story, but I hope it’s still clear. I want to keep writing although I’m not sure where this small story will take me. Thank you for reading and apologies in advance for the typos. 
> 
> Additional note: the conversation in the summary is inspired on the tv series Fleabag.


End file.
